ifyoucarryonthisway:

i need a job where i work one hour a week and i get paid a thousand dollars a minute 

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

BREAKING NEWS: painter hospitalized after too many strokes

if robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money id just laugh and search with them

(Source: carlmander)

pityreblogs:

when i’m old i’m going to say “or as they said in my day “yolo swag””

khajiduh:

if i were famous, i’d go to a red carpet event in a fashionable tan leather dress, and when they asked me who i was wearing, i’d say ‘i don’t know her name, but she had a beautiful complexion, didn’t she?’